


we're a family (broken and shattered and new)

by itsagamefortwo



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: ( this took me so long to complete i have techinally proof read it like 3 times lmoa ), F/M, Gen, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsagamefortwo/pseuds/itsagamefortwo
Summary: feyre is pregnant, rhys doesn't want to leave her alone and oh no nesta is the only one free to sit with her. it's basically a little heart to heart between the sisters and then i didn't know how to end it“Nesta,” he nodded. “Who I doubt would come”I shook my head at him, he was wrong about that. Nestawouldcome and spend the day with me, I knew she would because she – she had been spending time with me lately. Had beentryingever since she came back from the Illyrian Mountains with Cassian years ago. In the small ways that Nesta showed her feelings, the ways most people wouldn’t even realise.“She will. She’ll come. So go. Get dressed, fetch my sister and then shoo. Go be overbearing with Cassian for a few hours,” I smiled at him, squeezing his hand again once.
Relationships: (implied i guess idk), Feyre Archeron/Rhysand, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71





	we're a family (broken and shattered and new)

“You’re nearly nine months pregnant Feyre, I’m not going to leave you here alone. Cassian can go to the Prison alone.” Rhys was pacing in front of our bed, his Illyrian leathers half on and wings out. I rolled my eyes, leaning further back in my mound of pillows on the bed to get comfortable. We had been having the same ‘discussion’ for an hour and I _had_ thought I had won when he’d began getting dressed. Apparently I was wrong. 

“I am perfectly capable of looking after myself. And anyway, I plan on sitting in front of the fire down stairs all day with a book. I’m going to be awfully dull company,” I rested my hands on top of my belly and gave him a pointed look. It was Rhys’ turn to roll his eyes at me. 

“You’re never dull company,” he muttered, stopping his pacing to come and sit on the edge of our bed next to me. “And I know you can look after yourself. But you heard what the healer said, it could be any day now.” One of his hands covered one of mine on top of my swelling stomach and he felt as our baby kicked, a smile pulling at his lips. The way he always did at such a moment. 

I understood why he didn’t want to go, didn’t want to leave me alone. This pregnancy hadn’t exactly been _easy_ , and no one was sure if it was because I used to be human or because of how I was Made or if it was just _naturally_ hard. And Rhys – Rhys had been amazing throughout it all, had worried and stressed and held my hand when I needed him too, but he hadn’t stopped me from going about my duties and tasks. Even when I could tell he wanted nothing more than to confine me to our house for protection. 

“A compromise then. Go fetch one of our many family members to spend the day with me,” I turned my hand over so I could lace my fingers through his and squeeze once. But I frowned as he winced, now avoiding eye contact with me. “What?”

Rhys’ sighed, ran a hand through his hair. 

“Mor, Azriel and Elain are at Crete, Amren’s visiting the Summer Court and if Cassian comes with me that only leaves –” he paused, looking at me again as I finished his words. 

“Nesta.” 

“Nesta,” he nodded. “Who I doubt would come” 

I shook my head at him, he was wrong about that. Nesta _would_ come and spend the day with me, I knew she would because she – she had been spending time with me lately. Had been _trying_ ever since she came back from the Illyrian Mountains with Cassian years ago. In the small ways that Nesta showed her feelings, the ways most people wouldn’t even realise.

None of us knew what, exactly, had happened while they had been away. But Cassian had come back with that gleam of guilt in his eyes a little bit dimmer and Nesta had come back – she had come back seeming more _settled_ in herself. More at peace with the world then she had ever been. And they had come back holding hands and ready to live in the town house. Together. 

We had all wanted to ask what happened, but none of us had dared. 

“She will. She’ll come. So go. Get dressed, fetch my sister and then shoo. Go be overbearing with Cassian for a few hours,” I smiled at him, squeezing his hand again once. 

☆✢☆

Nesta found me sitting at the small round table in front of the bay window in the sitting room with my feet propped up on the spare chair opposite me and an unopened book on the table. She paused a few feet away with her simple dark blue dress swishing at her feet, a cotton bag slung over one shoulder and her hands fisted at her sides. Nervous. 

“Nesta,” I smiled at her, or at least I tried too. It felt more like a grimace as I lowered my sore feet back to the floor and gestured for her to sit down. Conversation was always a little bit stilted when at the beginning. Neither of us quite knowing how to interact with each other, even now. 

“Thank you for coming. Fae males and their worrying,” I huffed out a small laugh but didn’t feel myself relax back into my chair until Nesta had taken the few steps to bring her to my little sitting area, dropping her bag to the floor carefully and sitting down, her back ram-rod straight and hands clenched together in her lap. 

“I’m – happy to be here,” she didn’t smile, but her chin dipped just once and I could swear I saw her posture relax just a fraction. 

There was silence between us for a few seconds that felt like hours as it stretched between us and I tried to come up with some topic of conversation. Something neutral. Easy. Apparently Nesta had been thinking about it too. 

“Have you found someone to take over your classes at the gallery yet?” 

I was surprised that she remembered me telling her that I was struggling to fill the spot and I could feel my chest warming that she had.

“No, not yet. It’s hard to find just one person who can cover them all. We might have to rearrange some of the others I think,” I frowned a little already feeling a headache building at the thought of it. 

“I’m sure you will find someone and if you maybe have to cancel a class or two I’m sure people will understand that as well.” There was something reassuring about her voice, something calming. And I wondered – not for the first time in recent years – what it would have been like if Nesta had shown me any kindness the way she showed Elain when we were still mortal. I wondered if maybe she would have used such a voice when I came back empty handed at night. 

“There is –” Nesta started and my eyes darted up to her face as she seemed to gather her thoughts, her words. “Your child will hopefully never know a world that is cleaved in two, never know the kind of fear that we grew up with by that wall. But, we were mortal once and there is a whole history for them to discover. Are you going to tell them? Everything?” Her eyes bored into mine, unwavering as she waited for my response. 

“Everything. When they’re old enough to understand.” I nodded at her and Nesta let out a breath of air as if she had been worried about the answer. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it when I couldn’t think of anything to say and instead watched her. Watched as she seemed to ready herself for whatever it was she needed to say. Apparently Nesta had come here today with an agenda in mind. 

“You won’t remember but when we were little and father would come back from his trips to the continent, we would all sit in front of the fire in the drawing room. Even mother would sit in a chair and watch us. I would sit on his knee and then it would be Elain and then you came along and it would be you. And he would tell us stories of his time away and the people he had met, mostly directed at mother, but we were all sitting there listening to every word, even if we didn’t understand. Then mother would say it was time for bed and start to call the wet nurse to take us away, but I would ask him, _beg_ him for one more story.”

Nesta paused, her eyes unfocused as she got lost in the memory that I didn’t remember. I didn’t dare to move, was barely breathing out of fear she would stop completely. She never talked about our family, our past, she especially never talked about our life from before father had lost his fortune. Just as I began to give up hope of her talking again Nesta’s eyes shifted down to the table between us as she sucked in an unsteady breath. 

“He always made a big deal about debating it, um-ing and ah-ing. But he always said yes in the end. I think – I think it was his way of trying to say he cared, that he had missed us, because we all knew that the next morning he would again be back in his study and have no time for us.

“So he would walk over to the little bookcase by the window and pull out the same book every time. It was this… this collection of stories, of myths and legends, children's tales meant to scare us into behaving and teach us lessons. He must have read them all five times over, the same book every time he came back, no matter if we asked for a different one. He would sit us all on the floor, and if one of us was still too little he would hold us, and he would read us a story from the book. Just one. It was my favourite night, the night he would come back from his trips and read to us. When he was finished he would send us off to bed and not touch a book again until he came back from the continent again. 

“He stopped. I still don’t know why, I suppose I shall never know why. But he stopped reading to us, long before we lost the money and mother died. So I – I started reading the stories to myself. First that book, until I had read them all, and then any book I could sneak out of the library. That book of children’s stories was lost a long time ago, it never came with us to that hovel by the wall. But I –”

Nesta paused again, blinking at the scratched wood and then finally looked up at me. It was hard to tell what emotions were now swimming through her eyes, but I had to stop myself reaching across and gripping her hand. 

“You’re child is – they’re going to be of two worlds, whether they experience it or not. It is hard – for me to… to talk about him, about the past. And I will never be able to express myself, my feelings, like you or Elain. But for your child, Feyre, I would – I would like to _try_. I would like the chance to try and right some wrongs.”

She picked up the bag that she had placed next to her chair when she first arrived, the one I had almost forgotten about and from within it Nesta pulled out a large rectangle wrapped in plain brown paper. She set it on the table before pushing it across to me. 

“I asked Cassian to find the nearest bookstore the last time he was visiting the mortal lands, apparently he knocked over a display and scared a group of old men in the process. But he found it. It’s a newer edition than ours was with new stories and this one has illustrations, but –” she shrugged as she watched me carefully unwrap the book. It had a simple dark green leather binding with the title stamped across the front above a simple sketch of a castle upon a hill of clouds. I let my fingers trail across the words, my own eyes now blurring with tears. 

“I have never been a particularly good sister too you.” A statement of fact that everyone could agree with. “But I would like to – I would like to try. Now. I would like to be here for you, for all of you. And I would like to read to your child.” With this book of stories from our childhood. A secret joy I don’t think she had ever shared with anyone before. And that she wanted to share with my child. We had nothing of our father or mother to hand down other then the memories in our heads, but this. Nesta had found something physical.

“Nesta this is –” I didn’t have words. For this piece of our history she was sharing with me, was willing to share with my child. I had never known why she loved reading so much. “Thank you. Knowing you will be there to read to them, I – thank you.” I wiped at my eyes, huffing out a curse at the hormones that made me overly emotional. But Nesta just nodded at me once, swallowing, before a small smile graced her lips. 

Things would never be easy between us, between Nesta and my mate, we all knew it. There was too much there, to many wrongs to repair. But this was an offer at trying. And Nesta – she had been trying for a while now I realised, had been making an effort with all of them, and not just because of Cassian like Rhys had thought. But because she wanted to try – wanted to be apart of this family. 

It wasn’t all too blame on the hormones when I started crying properly and only Nesat rolling her eyes was enough to draw me out of my emotional revelation and downward spiral. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I fanned a hand in front of my face, trying to stop the tears. “I cried at a carrot that fell off my place last night.”

Nesta snorted at my remark, but got up from her chair and for a moment I wondered if that had been enough to make her to _not_ want to try anymore. But then she came back into the room, placing a handful of tissues in front of me. 

“Nula’s going to bring us some tea.”

We sat in a peaceful silence for a while, the most peaceful Nesta and I had ever sat in, as if that story and my crying had cleared the air between us. Nesta stared out the bay window, watching the flowers blow in the breeze while I flipped through the book. 

“Have you thought of any names yet?” She asked, drawing my attention away from an illustration of a wolf in a wood. 

“A few. I like Raleigh for a boy, and Rhys likes Castor. But we started worrying it sounded a little too much like Cassian and we didn’t want his ego to grow thinking we’d named our child with him in mind,” I said with a laugh, closing the book and reclining in my chair. Nesta laughed, the first time I could remember hearing it. 

“Oh that would truly go straight to his head. It would make him insufferable to live with,” but she was smiling as said it, genuine happiness in her eyes. 

“We’re torn between Halley or Lyra for a girl. Rhys’ mother, her name was Lysandra but –” I shrugged, my fingers idly tracing patterns across my belly as I thought on the names. “Girl or boy, we want them to know the people who can’t be here to meet them, but I don’t think he wants them to have a name they feel they have to live up too.” 

Nesta was quiet for a time, her fingers fiddling with the handle of her tea cup. 

“You should wait until you meet them, you’ll know their name then.” 

I didn’t want to ask how she was so sure. 

☆✢☆

The pains started three hours later as we sat in the garden enjoying the late autumn afternoon sun surrounded by potted plants Elain had deemed in need of ‘extra care’. 

“Nesta,” I said quietly, hands gripping the metal armrest of my chair so tightly I could already feel the indents they would leave. But my eyes where on the ground, at the small pool of water soaking into the stones. There must have been something in my voice because Nesta turned to look at me, eyes flaring wide. 

“We need to get you inside.” 

And then she was next to me, out of her chair too quick for me to even pick up on and calling for one of the twins and sending one off to find Maja while the other helped me inside, up the stairs and into bed. All I could focus on was the pain rippling out from my back and down my legs. 

I knew it was going to hurt, had been told over and over about the pain to expect. But I didn’t think anything could have ever prepared me for it as I gripped Nesta’s hand tightly as a contraction tore through my body until it was all I could do to remember to breath. 

“Rhys,” I muttered, my eyes finding Nesta’s even as I shouted it down that silent bond between us. 

“I know. They’re still at the prison. We’ve sent someone to find them,” she said as her free hand pushed hair away from my face with a damp cloth. Some part of me knew she didn’t just mean my mate, but that they had sent someone to get all of their court. 

Time seemed to slow down as each contraction hit until it felt as if I would never know anything but the pain and then it would speed up again. Faces and voices blurring around me as I tried to stay conscious. 

“You’re doing so well Feyre, so well.” Nesta’s voice felt like it was passing by on some phantom wind, but I could still feel her strong fingers gripping mine, letting me squeeze as tight as I needed too and not letting go. 

And then there was someone gripping my other hand and soft hazel eyes swimming into focus even as I picked up on Elain’s soft voice from near Nesta. I held tight to Mor’s hand, all the acknowledgement I could summon as a scream tore through my throat. But they held on, didn’t pull away. And I felt a fresh wave of tears falling at how grateful I was for them, for my sisters and for Mor. For them being there. Even when I wanted, _needed_ , someone else. The bond was still silent between us no matter how hard I pulled or roared my pain down it. 

“Where. Is. He.” I ground out, my body hurting in ways I didn’t know it could. I wasn’t even sure how long it had been, it could have been minutes, hours, days. Time had turned into a blur since Maja had arrived and the pain had started in earnest. 

“Az has gone to get him, he’ll be here,” Mor’s words were calm and did absolutely nothing to help my fraying edges. 

I could hear people talking around me, could hear them telling me to push, to breath, breath, breath.. But I couldn’t, I shook my head. Everything just _hurt_ so much. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted Rhysand. Someone was squeezing my hand and trying to talk to me but it was hard to focus on anything that wasn’t the blinding pain convulsing through my body as I screwed my eyes shut. 

“You need to push, Feyre.” I don’t know who spoke, just knew I couldn’t. 

“I –I can’t.” 

“Yes you can, Feyre darling.” 

A different hand was holding mine now, bigger, more calloused and reassuring. 

“Rhys,” whatever I was going to say got lost within another contraction as I held on tighter to his hand, not worrying about how hard that might be. Part of this was his fault, he should feel some of the pain too. 

“I know. I’m here. You can do this.”

Things didn’t seem to move any faster then before, the pain didn’t seem to get worse or less and if she was honest Feyre lost track of everything but Rhys hand in hers, voices fading in and out and the amount of pain she was in. 

And then there was a new sound. A baby crying and a small squirming bundle being placed in my arms and Rhys whispering,

“She’s beautiful.”

☆✢☆

“I really want to be mad at your dad for almost missing this important moment, but you’ve got his eyes so it’s making it very hard,” I said to the baby in my arms as she grabbed onto my finger that had been tracing the curve of her cheek. Big violet eyes gazing up at her sleepily in a way she was learning babies did after being fed. Feyre was pretty sure it was going to be a while before she could ever be annoyed at her when her eyes were like that.

“May I make a case for my defense?” Rhysand’s voice said from next to me. 

“No, you may not.” I didn’t need to look at him to see the smile on his face, or to even see the gleam that would be in his eyes. A soft knock at the door and Cassian’s face popping around the edge stopped whatever retort he was thinking up.

“Can we meet her yet?” 

“Come in,” I said with a small huff of laughter as I settled myself more comfortably against my pillows and under Rhy’s arm, “But be quite, I think she’s falling asleep.” 

They were all here. My sisters and Mor, Cassian and Azriel, even Amren had somehow arrived back from the summer court without me noticing. Though to be fair I only even vaguely remembered any of the others appearing at my side.

“Okay me first, let auntie Mor see her favourite niece.” It was only a little awkward and hard to pass her the baby, everything inside me was shouting to hold her close and never let her go. Some primal protective instinct that I was pretty sure wasn’t just fae inherent. But I also knew there was no one else in the world I would trust with her safety more than these people. 

It was as Elain was holding her with Nesta hovering over her shoulder with a soft, if quizzical look on her face that Amren was the first to ask. 

“So, have you two settled on a name yet?” 

Rhy’s and I shared a look, and we didn’t need to talk through the bond to know we both agreed. 

“We’d like you to meet Halley,” I smiled, glancing at Elain and Nesta as everyone else seemed to draw closer around them, pulled into orbit of the small life I had made. 

“Halley, huh?” Cassian mused as he stood to the left of Nesta his head titled just a little. “I like it. Good choice.” 

“Thanks, we were worried you wouldn’t approve,” Rhy’s noted dryly but there was a smile in his voice and I could feel the love pouring from him at the sight we were watching. 

“Welcome to the family Halley,” Azriel said, “You’ll get used to Cassian eventually, we all did.” 

**Author's Note:**

> look. i just sort of always wondered why nesta liked reading so much which is how all this started 4 months ago and now we're here 4 months and a quarantine later. i also kinda have an idea for like a little spin-off/second chapter for this with like, a naming ceremony so idk let me know if anyone is interested in that i guess?
> 
> anyway!!!  
> i hope you're all staying safe in these hard times.  
> hope you enjoyed! comments and kudos are appreciated!! mwah xox  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](https://tangledstarlight.tumblr.com/)!


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